| Development of the Heart, Spirit and Mind For the Dominant
by Master Tatu Dominance
What is the essence of
true Dominance? First and foremost, Dominance is "Loving
Guidance". This is an oriental concept that has been around for centuries.
When the apostle Paul penned his epistles in the 1st century, although he
himself was a Greek and schooled in the western mindset, he adopted this
very eastern approach to intimate relationships. He wrote that wives should
submit to their husbands, and husbands should love their wives like christ
loved the church and laid down his life
Real Dominace Is Seen in the The symbol at the right is Kanji for "Loving Guidance". When a man or woman can embrace the spirit of this symbol, only then can one truly be thought of as a "True Dominant". Your submissive partner is a precious being, she should be put in a place of being a treasured vessel, and you as the Dominant have the responsibility to protect and guide her soul. You are responsible for making sure she is safe and that everything is sane and consensual between you and others. In the old days there were no safe words, just love. Love for your charge. The Dominant took total responsibility for her well being, not only physically, but mentally and spiritually as well.
Indeed the essence of Dominance is awareness
of the Heart, Spirit and Mind of your precious
Many tops when they first enter the lifestyle, make the mistake of equating Dominance with being a Domineering Jerk.... in other words, just do as I say. They place all these expectations on the submissive, without first knowing and understanding her essential nature or first creating an environment of safety around her. Then when the submissive rejects the command, she is verbally battered with manipulative remarks, like "you're not a real submissive", or "if you were a real submissive, you would or would not do ... so and so". These are note loving leaders, but control freaks or domineering jerks. No, first the Dominant must take care of his own place of mental well being, before he approaches a submissive and expects or desires anything from her. D/s or not, submissive or not.... brother... trust me.... you will crash and burn! Fact is, a real submissive will probably eat your lunch, as she will let no one put her healthy self in danger. For a true submissive cannot give love and submission with a clear heart unless she loves herself with a healthy love. You mess with her sense of well being, and trust me she will mess with you. Sometimes it is just two people both with poor self images creating the seeds of a sad and ultimately unfulfilling codependent relationship. This Dominant is not particularly a bad man or woman, nor is the submissive a whacko; they are just immature about relationships and are simply in need of sincere guidance and personal growth. The danger here, however, is when one of these "Domineering Jerks" hooks up with a submissive who has has a poor self image or poor self love. She is like prey for the wolf. She cowers like a doormat to be walked on, used and even abused. This unhealthy need to please can get her hurt and ultimately break or destroy a lovely soul. Dominant Abusers Other times a person with all the wrong ideas about life, an abuser, finds willing victims in submissives with poor self images. Because we play on the edge, it is easy for these type to step into our world, mask his true nature of that of an abuser, with the cloak of "dominant". This submissive so wanting to be touched, to be held, to be cared for, to be loved, wanting to please, will put herself in real danger, and make some really dumb decisions. For example here are some real life examples of people I know and have counseled with who made some real dumb decisions:
These are very very sad examples. This is a true danger in the community, and while submissives ought to take responsibility for their own actions and safety, this is not an ideal world and people make stupid mistakes and decisions. So if we are to avoid a tragedy in our neighborhood so to speak.... every Dominant and submissive must take responsibility to keep a watchful eye over one another.
Real Dominance Is Seen in a Teachable Spirit Yes, Dominants are not born with all the right tools. Dominance may be of the essential nature of a person, but knowing how to use it is something else entirely. Dominants need training. What stands in the way however is dominant ego. The Dominant is too prideful to open himself up to receive and learn. Too often the Dominant thinks learning how to swing a flogger or crack a whip or tie a knot is all that it takes to make them a Dominant. No, you can train a monkey to do tricks. Real Dominance is a matter of heart and soul. In our community he uses that ability with respect for his treasured vessel and treats her like a goddess, then he employs various tools for her pleasure which all works toether to make him a God in her eyes.
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and
willingly died for her. What a concept! True Dominance shows
itself in love... a love that would be willing to die for his soulmate. The
role then is to be a loving guide for Your charge.
property.
The symbol at the left are the three kanji symbols for Heart, Spirit and
Mind. It is spoken as "Kokoroire" and
literally means to create an atmosphere in which one finds complete tranquility
and well being. Only when the submissive senses that a Dom/me
can reach into his or her soul and treat with respect the whole person, (the
heart, spirit and mind) will that submissive see that top as a true Dominant.
Only then will the submissive feel safe enough to give over real control
and trust the Dominant to be in charge of their pleasure and well being.
True surrender of the submissive's "pleasure centers" as I call them,
is impossible without this trust in place, that the Dominant will lovingly
guide her to places of wonderful pleasure.
