The counsel of many is wise indeed. It is a fool who scoffs at the counsel of friends and listens only to himself.

There is a growing yet disturbing practice in the community, of so-called "mentors" gathering up flocks of disciples. Mentoring is not a bad thing. Yet what we are seeing are a few people in almost cultlike fashion reaching out to newbies to mentor, controling mentees, playing with mentees, organizing like fundamentalists who insist that thier way is the only way, that they are the "real" lifestylers and because others do not follow them in some cases it has been seen where they will resort to stalking, harsh criticisizm and even harassment.  

As a Reminder, or for you who are unaware, here are some commonly accepted practices:

1. Mentors are simply wise counselors, that one seeks for counsel. You may have many mentors that you call upon to learn from and seek advice.

Often the best mentor for a submissisve is another submissive.

You always have the option of listening or rejecting that advice.

2. Mentors DO NOT play with their mentees. Play is reserved for you and your partner, or you and a trainer. If there is anything like play by a mentor, it is only brief, instructive and non-sexual in nature.

Note: If there is to be ongoing play or training, then the mentor has now taken on the role of a "trainer", and one should be very clear at that point what the boundaries are.

A mentor that goes into play with a mentee without a specific training contract, is abusing the role with the newbie.

Mentees need to be clear that you are under no obligation to play with your mentor and it is inappropriate for the Mentor to suggest such.

3. Mentors DO NOT control mentees, tell you who you can talk to and who you cannot. The mentee may wish to consult their Mentor about people and relationships. The Mentee has the option to follow or disregard the feedback. Any mentor who exercises control over a mentee is taking abusive advantage of a newbie.

4. Beware of anyone that tries to isolate you from the community at large. If you are new to this lifestyle, never allow anyone to isolate you or separate you from the community at large. You have a lot to learn, and the community as a whole is your best resource. Anyone who tries to isolate you is a danger.  They may use all kinds of credible sounding language, like, "oh those are just posers, they are not 'real' lifestylers, come with me/us, we will teach you 'real D/s'.   RUN like hell from these people. You are going to get hurt.

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