Introduction

The word protocol stirs up many emotions for modern D/s people, especially  it seems for those in my home state of Florida for some reason. Many people ask with great curiosity about protocol. Others become irate at the mere mention of the word. Suffice it to say people are going to do what they want to do. Interestingly, the same people who make the most negative noise about any mention of the word protocol, when pressed will admit they want and desire a protocol in their D/s relationship, they just don't want anyone to tell them what they should be doing. Honestly, I don't know of anyone insisting that someone else follow their protocol.    

Yes, from time to time a newcomer makes a forgivable "newbie" mistake, insisting that everyone do like they do. Occasionally, you'll see even someone who has been around awhile insist that all subs call him Sir, or demand some respect he has not earned. That "so called dom" is probably not a dom at all, but simply a domineering jerk.    

No where in this website have I ever insisted that anyone follow anything written here. I only seek to disseminate information that is by in large in common usage. Whether or not you choose to apply any of it to your D/s relationships is totally your call. In fact, I would be greatly disappointed if everyone did the same thing. For me if Protocol robs us of our individuality and creativity in the scene, then it needs to be trashed. The true beauty of what we do is the synergy we create among us learning, sharing and inspiring one another with our individual eroticism and kinks.

Hear this well:  There is no one set way or set of protocols.

So lets examine a little about where these protocols and their schools or traditions:

Let's start with the word itself - Protocol.  I type in my AOL browser keyword "dictionary", and then word "protocol" , and I am told by the Miriam-Webster Dictionary:

pro*to*col (noun)

[Middle French prothocole, from Medieval Latin protocollum, from Late Greek protokollon first sheet of a papyrus roll bearing data of manufacture, from Greek prot- prot- + kollan to glue together, from kolla glue; perhaps akin to Middle Dutch helen to glue]

First appeared 1541
1 : an original draft, minute, or record of a document or transaction

2   a : a preliminary memorandum often formulated and signed by diplomatic negotiators as a basis for a final convention or treaty
     b : the records or minutes of a diplomatic conference or congress that show officially the agreements arrived at by the negotiators

3   a : a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence (as in diplomatic exchange and in the military services)
     b : a set of conventions governing the treatment and esp. the formatting of data in an electronic communications system

4 : a detailed plan of a scientific or medical experiment, treatment, or procedure

So we find that the word protocol...

1.  Literally means "to glue together"

2.  Is most often used in diplomatic circles.

3.  The definition most related to our study is:   "a code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence".

To me, probably the most important part of protocol, is common courtesy.  It seems to me that diplomats go to great length to study and understand other cultures in which they come in contact, and do everything possible to relate to that culture with great courtesy.  Is that not what common courtesy is?  If I come in contact with others in the D/s lifestyle, should I not out of common courtesy, want to non-judgmentally understand something of them, and learn to respectfully relate to them in a way that would not offend, but foster good relations? As the French say: "Mais qui", meaning  "But of course".

To me that is what protocol simply is all about.  How one stands, sits, kneels, speaks, etc, etc is a fun and exciting part of the culture of erotic power exchange.   How any one person does it is not the definitive answer, and neither should that one be judged critically.  Instead we should learn to celebrate our differences, not criticize them.  Ok off my soapbox..... 

Schools

A number of different traditions or schools have come to us from different cultures.

The Oriental Influence:   The entire culture and lifestyle in oriental societies such as Japan and China is a D/s oriented system, with the Dominant male and submissive female. Ingrained culturally and historically in these cultures are wonderful mental and artistic components of the erotic exchange of power.  Those who were trained in Japan or its traditions, understand the meditative and contemplative nature of oriental D/s.  It involves some but not to the extreme matters of pain and physical punishment.  The focus in these traditions are on control, art, surrender, pleasure. As a bondager one can see the combination of these cultural aspects in Oriental Rope Bondage.  

The European Schools:   The D/s coming from this part of the world emphasizes the S/M component to D/s. Many of the modern American practices today were born of these countries. Here we also find the superior or Dominant Woman in D/s.  The Domina or Dominatrix.  Torturous and painful methods are employed to effect control and surrender.  Flogging, caning, genital torture are all from the European influence.  Depersonalization practices such as dog and pony training find its root in Europe.

Renaissance D/s:   A subset of the European Schools can be seen is those who are involved in Renaissance Play (SCA). While most involved in this type of period play would be horrified by what many D/s-ers do, what they do is D/s play, they would just never admit it.  Think about it, Kings, Queens, Lords, Ladies, commoners, a very strict protocol  among and between upper and lower classes..... Dungeons, chains, whips, honor, respect, courage, service.... hummm? A 16th century fantasy of living out a certain form of power exchange that many find very erotic.  Great poets and playwrites wrote of the tensions between rulers and servants, love and intrigue.    

Old Guard:   Old guard is a gay men's protocol born in San Francisco after WWII. It developed into a very regimented and structured dynamic often with complicated "families" of fathers, sons and boys.  Rarely has a gay female has been trained in this school. Beware of people (especially online) claiming to have been trained in "Old Guard". Many posers use this line to attract the unaware.

Definitions

Formal Training:   This is an arrangement where a submissive is contracted to a Dominant for training in the etiquette and practices of the lifestyle.  Often a single submissive applies and spends several weeks or months going through a rigorous regimen of behavior modification in order to make oneself desirable to be owned by a future Master of Mistress.  

Lifestyle:   This is sometimes referred as living D/s 24/7.  24hrs a day and 7 days a week.  Very few enter into this sort of an arrangement.  Many things like work and families do not allow certain elements such as fetish dress or S&M activities.  Many however can carry on an effective D/s relationship in spite of these things.  

The accepted behaviors of living lifestyle develops established rules of behavior, and etiquette with the community at large and are based on cultural codes that have existed for centuries, either European or Oriental.

Houses:   Prior to the hodge-podge explosion of new practitioners of D/s, a practice for small groups of families or friends to develop a "House" or a "Clan".   One was identified as having been schooled as a member of the House of Tatu, or the Clan Tatu.

These brief descriptions have been given as a historical look back at what was and still is in many places.  Whether or not you incorporate any of this into you D/s is up to your individual desires fantasies and wants.  Have fun, be well and remember to allow others to have their own style as you develop yours.

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