BDSM Terms Compiled by Master Tatu (January 1996, latest revision 1/28/06) INTRODUCTION The real time world of those of us who participate in the erotic exchange of power has been flooded with many new seekers in the past few years. This is most likely due to the advent of flat fee unlimited use online computer services. The word is getting around. TERMS With all of this new interest and activity, it would be helpful to share some basic terms and protocol with the community... new and old. There is no firm agreement on these matters and usage may vary from one part of the country to another, I attempt to share a consensus of basic understanding for the benefit of all. A. BDSM This is a term used to describe many activities that includes the consensual giving and receiving of erotic sensations and/ or mental discipline. It involves an exchange of power between participants and is broken down into three subsets. They are; B/D = Bondage and Discipline D/S = Dominance and Submission S/M = Sadism & Masochism B. SAFE, SANE, CONSENSUAL. This is the motto used by many as the CREDO of the BDSM Community. All activities are weighed against it. The term is attributed to slave David Stein in August 1983 statement of purpose drafted for the GMSMA (Gay Male S/M Activists). "GMSMA is a not-for-profit organization of gay males in the New York City area who are seriously interested in safe, sane, and consensual S/M." "Safe" is being knowledgeable about the techniques and safety concerns involved in what you are doing. Each participant must be informed about the possible risks, both mental and physical. "Sane" is knowing the difference between fantasy and reality. Knowledgeable consent cannot be given if you are under the influence of drugs or alcohol. "Consensual" is respecting the limits imposed by each participant. One of the most easily recognized ways to maintain limits is through a "safeword" - which ensures the bottom/submissive can end the activity at any time with a single word or gesture. C. DOMINANTS Dominant. Someone with a Dominant and often controlling aspect to their personality. Dom / Domme. Male and female Dominant who prefers describing themselves in terms of there personality. It usually is the preferred description by the Dominant who does not own or prefer ownership of slaves. Also used to describe those who are newer to the community without many years of experience who are not recognizable in the community as a Master or Mistress. Master/ Mistress. This term is used to denote ownership when a slave is involved.  Generally a submissive or slave address a Dominant Master or Mistress only if they are collared or under contract to that Dominant.  However, it may also denote a Dominant with some years of respected BDSM experience. Top. A term for someone who likes to scene from the Dominant or top position. This person may or may not be a Dominant, Master or Mistress. Sadist. Someone who enjoys the infliction of pain for the sake of giving pain. A sadist may or may not be a Dominant / Master / Mistress. Mentor. A mentor is a trusted person in the community, who may or may not have a formal relationship with a submissive. A mentor is one who has been around for a long time and is looked to for wise counsel and advise. A mentor may or may not work a sub/slave/student, which is a matter of negotiation between the submissive , their Dom(me), and the mentor. As the community grows, mentors are needed both formally and informally to help new Doms and subs understand the lifestyle and find a meaningful place in the community. A mentor may be a Dominant or a wise submissive, who is trusted by Dominants at large. Trainer. A trainer is a role which a Dominant plays. Usually the trainer is the sub's own Dominant for most aspects of training. Occasionally a Dom asks another Dom who has a particular expertise to work with their sub in that aspect. For example, only a few Doms can handle a bullwhip with expertise, so a Dom may ask one recognized ability in the bullwhip to give their sub that experience. Because of my love of rope bondage, I have been asked upon occasion times by other Masters to do rope with their subs. Protector. A protector is one that is called upon to look over another's sub/slave while their Dom/Master/Mistress is away, perhaps out of town on a trip. This of course is a trusted friend. A collared submissive should never attend a function alone without a protector appointed by their Dom. E. Submissives. Submissive. This is one who has a submissive aspect to their personality. They generally gain greatest pleasure in serving and pleasing others. Slave. This term is used to describe a wide variety of situations. Some feel a slave is one who has chosen to surrender control of their lives, without restrictions or limits. There is some controversy about the usage of this term in our modern free society because a slave would have no ability to walk away, and would in reality be illegal. In BDSM the choice to act as someone's slave and vacate one's personal rights or even ultimately walk away always lies with the submissive. So in reality this surrender of control is negotiated in great detail as to limits and time frame. Bottom. One who enjoys scening from a submissive or bottom position. A bottom may or may not necessarily be a submissive. Masochist. A masochist is one who finds pleasure in the receiving of pain. Often quite extreme pain. The more the better. Again, the masochist is not necessarily a submissive. Extreme masochists are referred to as "Pain Sluts". Charge. A "Charge" is a term used by a Dominant to describe a submissive that they either own, or have a formal mentoring or training relationship with, or are acting as protector for another. A Mentor would refer to the submissive as being "in their charge". In recent days another term has come into some limited usage, as that of being the "ward of Mistress......." SOME GENERAL TERMS Switch. A Switch is one who may or may not have a strong Dominant or submissive side, who enjoys scening from either the top or bottom. Switches often prefer the terms Top and bottom. Lady. The term "Lady" has several uses and can be quite confusing. It is used of both Dominants and submissives. Generally it is a term of endearment. In multiple submissive situations, the #1 submissive may be referred to as "Lady........". It is also used in period role play. And some Dommes use it as a title of dignity and respect. Lord. Always used in referring to the male Dominant, usually in period role play. It most often is used as in "Lord and Master" or "Lord Percival". Madame. This term is rarely used in this country, as it may be interpreted as a slur. However, in European communities it does not carry that connotation. Ma'am.  In generally accepted protocol, this term is used by submissives to address any female Dominant. Sir. Some Dominants do not like the term Master and prefer simply to be addressed as Sir. In generally accepted protocol, any male Dominant would be addressed as Sir. Collared. A collar is most commonly made of leather, but may be of metal or chain as well. In some communities up to 3 different types of collars with different meanings are recognized. To be collared denotes a submissive who is in a formal relationship with a Dominant. Old Guard. This is a term used to refer to persons from the gay SM community after World War II who adhered to a strict protocol. They are said to have learned their community behaviors passed down from previous generations. There is alot of controversy concerning this term and its usage by the uninitiated. Leather. This is a term that originated in the post World War II gay male community of SM practice. Over time the term leather evolved into something of a synonym for SM practices, but is still mostly identified as gay SM term. Most are not heavy SM practitioners in the scene today and find BDSM a more comfortable term; therefore would not necessarily identify themselves as leather. Leather Lifestyle. This refers to those who identify as Leather community members, who include wearing leather in their SM practices. Leather Lifestylers often will wear leather on almost a daily basis. S. I. L. K.  SILK is an acronym coined by Tatu, which stands for Sensuous - Intimate - Loving - Kinbaku (or Kink). Kinbaku is the Japanese term for Beautiful Rope Bondage.   S.I.L.K. Lifestyle. This referst to the growing number of people in the West who are a part of the kinky alternative lifestyles who moreso follow an Eastern School set of protocols, dress, and approach to D/s  or SM in general, vs the gay leather or European dungeon or Marquis de Sade styles S&M. BDSM Community.  This terminolgy is used by heterosexuals in the alternative lifesyles kinky community. Total Power Exchange. (TPE) A term that refers to an extreme form of D/s taken to a 24/7 context. Two or more people willingly exchange erotic power and have the goal of living their D/s role play 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. In a TPE relationship, the submissive is often referred to as a "slave" to denote the difference.